When I first started my business, I never expected one of the most complex challenges I’d face would be interacting with the very people I hired. After all, communication is something we do every day, right? How hard could it be?
I’ve always been the type to speak my mind freely, assuming everyone else would do the same. This assumption, I soon discovered, was misguided. When communication issues arose, I was often left confused, struggling to pinpoint the root of the problem. Little did I know, my direct style—what I called “truth-telling” or even “smack talk”—was causing more harm than good.
Then came my introduction to Adult-to-Adult communication—a framework that views communication as a respectful exchange between equals. Initially, I thought it was too passive. I associated directness with honesty and accountability, so I mistakenly believed that softening my approach meant compromising my standards. However, I soon learned that this method isn’t about avoiding tough conversations. Instead, it’s about delivering feedback in a way that’s constructive, not confrontational.
The key lesson I took from this is that leadership isn’t about dictating; it’s about collaborating and fostering an environment where feedback helps people grow. This communication style allows both parties to feel respected, and, most importantly, understood. By shifting my mindset, I was able to maintain directness without causing emotional harm. The result? Better engagement, deeper trust, and more productive conversations.
Implementing Insights in Your Life
Adult-to-Adult communication changed my approach. Instead of seeing feedback as a confrontation, I began viewing it as an opportunity for mutual understanding. The key difference was framing conversations with respect and collaboration, rather than just pointing out mistakes. I learned that leadership is not about dictating but about guiding through dialogue.
Actionable Steps:
- Ask first: Begin by seeking the other person’s perspective before jumping in with feedback.
- Frame it collaboratively: Offer suggestions rather than criticisms, focusing on improvement.
Reflection Question: How can you shift your feedback style to encourage more open dialogue?
In the early days of running my business, I thought being direct was the most efficient way to communicate. What I didn’t realize was how often that directness alienated my team members. The concept of Adult-to-Adult communication helped me find a middle ground—a way to be straightforward while still fostering respect and collaboration. It’s not about softening your message; it’s about delivering it in a way that builds trust and encourages growth.
The lessons I’ve learned in adopting this approach aren’t unique to me. Every leader, regardless of industry or experience level, can benefit from incorporating this style of communication into their daily interactions. Start today, and watch how your leadership—and your team—evolve.