When I first started my business, I was brimming with confidence, absolutely sure that success was just around the corner. But reality greeted me with a stark lesson: I had no idea what I was truly in for. The confidence that fueled my leap into entrepreneurship began to wane as I faced the overwhelming responsibilities of being “the boss.”
The pressure of making decisions that impacted not only the business but also the livelihoods of my team members was daunting. Add to that the constant juggle of limited funds, stretched resources, and the human capital needed to meet marketplace promises, and I found myself in a whirlwind of 12- to 16-hour days. My focus was on survival, often neglecting my own need for rest and clarity. It became a cycle of stress that felt impossible to break, and I know I’m not alone in this experience as a small business owner.
Masking the Stress
In those early days, I believed in a fundamental rule: never let the team see you sweat. My logic was simple but flawed—I feared that showing vulnerability would erode their confidence in me and send them searching for other opportunities. But, no matter how hard I tried to mask it, my stress and insecurities seeped through. I became grumpy, impatient, and blunt, convinced that efficiency justified my demeanor.
It was during this time that I first encountered the concept of Adult-to-Adult (A2A) communication. I can’t say it resonated with me immediately. In fact, my first reaction was dismissive. It sounded like a weak approach, far removed from my self-image as a “truth teller” who valued getting straight to the point.
Taking the First Steps
Despite my skepticism, something about A2A communication stuck with me. As I began exploring it—admittedly with a degree of resistance—I started to recognize patterns in my behavior that weren’t serving me or my team. I saw how often my reactions were rooted in fear: fear of failure, fear of judgment, and fear of appearing incapable.
I began to see how my approach of “never let them see you sweat” mirrored that of a protective parent shielding their child from the realities of life. But in my attempt to protect my team from stress, I was unintentionally creating barriers to trust and collaboration. I wasn’t tapping into their strengths, insights, or problem-solving abilities—the very reasons they were part of the team.
A Work in Progress
I’m still very much in the early stages of adopting Adult-to-Adult communication, and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a challenging shift. It requires a level of self-awareness and intentionality that doesn’t always come naturally when stress is high. But even in these early steps, I’ve noticed moments where practicing A2A communication has opened doors to better understanding and problem-solving.
Adult-to-Adult communication isn’t about sugarcoating the truth. It’s about delivering it in a way that respects the competence and dignity of others while also maintaining a level of composure that fosters trust. I’ve learned that it’s okay to acknowledge my own challenges and lean on my team as partners in tackling them.
A Lesson in Growth
If there’s one thing I’ve realized in this journey so far, it’s that leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about creating an environment where everyone, including myself, feels empowered to contribute to finding them. Adopting Adult-to-Adult communication is helping me take steps in that direction, but it’s a process I’m still figuring out one day at a time.
To my fellow entrepreneurs: if you’ve struggled with the weight of leadership or the pressures of appearing invincible, know that you’re not alone. Growth doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. For me, the journey of learning A2A communication is less about reaching a finish line and more about making meaningful progress along the way.