Earlier in my career, I earned part of my keep as a D1 track coach at West Virginia University and later at the University of Portland. While there are countless skills and experiences that contribute to developing effective leaders, coaching an athletic team taught me some of the most important lessons about giving and receiving critical feedback.
At the heart of coaching is the ability to tell athletes what they’re doing wrong—a seemingly simple task that is, in fact, quite challenging to do in a growth producing manner. Make no mistake about it, being critical is the key skill. While that’s true, being critical doesn’t have to mean being negative.
During my own collegiate track career, I was fortunate to learn from exceptional coaches like Bill Dellinger and Frank Morris at the University of Oregon and Joe Piane and Ed Kelly at the University of Notre Dame. Each had their own style of giving critical feedback, and I learned from all of them how to tailor constructive criticism to the individual athlete. What became clear was this: nobody improves by hearing only positive praise, but nobody thrives under constant negative critique either.
Research supports the idea that successful relationships of all types maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. While I don’t claim to know the science behind it, the intention makes sense. It’s easy to see how positive feedback fuels growth, self-esteem, and confidence. I’m good with that. And, from years of experience, I am equally confident that catching and addressing inefficiencies or ineffective behaviors is just as important.
As leaders, we have a dual responsibility to care equally about people and productivity. We have a business to lead, and we have people to love. Addressing inefficiencies or gaps in performance doesn’t have to come with ugly judgment. A simple observation—such as pointing out that a method doesn’t align with the standard or that there’s a more effective approach—can redirect behavior without triggering defensiveness. When feedback is framed without judgment, it invites engagement rather than resistance.
I’ve encountered leaders who believe that shame or harsh critique is a form of motivation. While those tactics may create short-term energy, it’s a dark energy—draining, unsustainable, and unproductive in the long run. Positive reinforcement, on the other hand, costs nothing. A sincere “thank you” or “nice job on the sales forecast” let’s people know they are seen and respected, reinforcing targeted behavior and building trust.
However, this doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations. It’s essential to be honest and clear about gaps between expectations and outcomes. Doing so not only meets the needs of the team’s customers but also helps team members grow in their roles, building confidence and self-esteem.
This week, I challenge you to reflect on your own feedback practices. How much feedback do you give at all? Are you maintaining a productive balance of positive and negative interactions? And, second I encourage you to make a conscious effort to act quickly when you notice inefficiencies or ineffective behaviors—correcting them in the moment with respect and without embarrassing people in front of others. Then, pay attention to how this approach affects momentum and relationships.
At the end of the week, I’d love for you to share your experiences in the comments. Let’s learn from each other as we strive to grow as leaders and build more effective teams.
Lead on!