In critical decisions, it’s easy to let emotions and opinions steer decisions, especially in high-pressure situations. When fear and assumptions are substituted for data, discussions can quickly become unproductive and destroy relationships. One key to effective adult-to-adult communication is focusing on facts rather than letting emotions take over.
I was leading a team faced with a major customer problem, and the stakes were high. Everyone had their take on the problem, and emotions were running high. It quickly turned into a session of argument, speculation and guesswork, with each person adding their own speculation to the mix.
As I listened, it became clear that we were going down a dangerous path. We weren’t dealing with facts; we were feeding off each other’s anxieties. But as the saying goes, “You can’t pool your ignorance and hope you’ll gain wisdom.” That never works.
I had to step in and refocus the conversation. “Hold on,” I said, “Let’s stop for a moment. What do we actually know for sure? What don’t we know? And, where can we go for hard answers?” This simple question shifted the tone in the room. We started identifying the facts—what had actually happened, what data we had, and what the real issues were. By focusing on what we knew rather than what we feared, we were able to strip away the noise and get to the heart of the matter.
This adult-to-adult approach not only clarified the mess and improved relationships, but also led us to a better decision. When we operate from a place of fear or opinion, we risk making hasty, ill-informed choices. But by grounding our discussions in facts, we ensure that our decisions are rational, well-considered, and effective.
Adult-to-adult communication is about engaging in honest, factual conversations. It’s about recognizing that while emotions are natural, they shouldn’t drive our decision-making process. Instead, we should seek out the truth, ask the right questions, and make decisions based on what we know to be true. This way, we can navigate challenges more effectively and lead our teams with clarity and confidence.